Starting therapy can feel a bit daunting. You might wonder if you’ll need to talk about childhood, cry, or even feel judged. If you’ve chosen Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), it helps to know exactly what to expect in your first CBT session. We know it, so this guide walks you through what really happens, how the first session feels, and how CBT begins to work. That way, you walk in feeling as supported as ready!

The basics of CBT:

Before diving in, it’s helpful to understand the basics.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a short-to-medium-term, evidence-based therapy focused on how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are connected. Instead of just talking about your past, CBT helps you solve present-day problems with practical tools.

If you’re looking for structured help with anxiety, depression, OCD, insomnia, or stress-related struggles, CBT is one of the most researched and effective options available.

What to Expect in Your First CBT Session

Let’s break it down step by step.

1. Warm welcome and consent process

Your therapist will begin with a warm introduction. You’ll go over:

• Confidentiality and its limits
• What CBT therapy involves
• Goals for the session
• Any intake forms (if not already completed)

This isn’t a rushed conversation. It’s a space for you to ask questions.

2. What brought you to therapy?

Next, your therapist will ask open-ended questions about why you came in.

You might talk about:

• Trouble sleeping or constant worry
• Negative thoughts you can’t shake
• Panic attacks or social anxiety
• Feeling stuck or down
• A specific situation like a breakup, job loss, or health issue

The goal is not to “fix” anything yet, but to understand your experience and identify key patterns.

3. Learning how CBT works

Your therapist will explain the CBT model, how thoughts affect feelings and actions. For example:

“If I think I’m going to fail this presentation, I feel anxious, so I avoid preparing. Then it goes badly, and the belief is reinforced.”

This framework helps you see how your mind works. You’ll start learning that thoughts aren’t facts, and that changing your thinking can shift how you feel and behave.

4. Beginning to identify patterns

In the first session, your therapist might already begin identifying unhelpful thought or behaviour loops. You may start discussing:

• Automatic thoughts (e.g. “I’m not good enough”)
• Cognitive distortions (e.g. catastrophizing, mind-reading)
• Avoidance patterns (e.g. procrastination, over-controlling)

This is done gently, collaboratively. And without judgment.

5. Discussing goals and treatment plan

CBT is structured. Most therapists will help you set clear, realistic goals.

For example:

• “Reduce panic attacks from weekly to monthly”
• “Sleep through the night without rumination”
• “Handle criticism without spiraling into self-doubt”

These goals help shape your treatment plan. CBT is usually 8–20 sessions, depending on the issue.

6. Home practice: what to expect

Unlike traditional talk therapy, CBT often includes homework, not as a burden, but as a tool for growth.

In your first session, your therapist may suggest:

• Tracking thoughts
• Practising a calming technique
• Observing a specific situation before next session

The goal is not perfection. It’s practice.

7. How you might feel after

Most people leave their first CBT session feeling:

• Relieved: “I’m not alone in this”
• Curious: “I never thought about it like that”
• Hopeful: “This could actually help me”

Some may also feel tired or emotionally stirred. That’s normal. Change starts with awareness, and even that can feel like hard work at first.

How to Prepare for Your First CBT Session

• Reflect on what’s bothering you and what’s getting in the way of living fully
• Write down a few key examples or situations that are on your mind
• Stay open-minded. You don’t need to have all the answers, just a willingness to explore
• Know that discomfort is OK. Growth often starts there!

Getting Started with CBT with us

If you’ve been struggling with anxiety for years or just noticed your mood slipping, CBT helps you move forward. Our experienced clinicians offer CBT both in-person and online across BC, Alberta, and the Northwest Territories.

We tailor therapy to your needs. Book a CBT session today

FAQs: CBT Therapy

Is CBT right for me if I’ve had therapy before?

Yes. CBT is structured and goal-oriented. Even if you’ve done talk therapy in the past, CBT gives you new tools and perspectives.

Do I have to do homework every week?

Not necessarily. Home practice is encouraged, but your therapist will adjust based on your pace and capacity.

Can CBT help with trauma?

Yes, especially when combined with other approaches like EMDR therapy. CBT can help reduce symptoms of PTSD, though it may not address trauma processing as deeply as EMDR.

You know exactly what you want: write that book, start therapy, say no more often, apply for the job, set better boundaries, or even just take a break. And yet, you don’t. Why we avoid doing what we want to do? Not because you’re lazy or weak. But because something deeper is happening under the surface.

Avoidance is one of the most common patterns we see in therapy. It can show up as procrastination, self-sabotage, perfectionism, or even overworking. At Grigore Counselling, we work with people every day who feel stuck. They want change. They can almost taste it. But they can’t seem to act on it.

So, why do we avoid doing the very things we want to do?

Avoidance Is a Protective Strategy

Most avoidance isn’t about the task. It’s about the emotional weight we associate with the task. That email you’re not sending? It’s vulnerability, rejection, or responsibility.

The brain is wired to protect us from discomfort. When it senses a threat, real or imagined, it engages in avoidance. This is often unconscious. You may say “I’ll do it tomorrow,” or “I need more time to think.” But underneath that is often anxiety, shame, or fear of failure.

This is where therapy comes in. Working with a therapist helps you become more aware of these emotional blocks and start moving through them. Our therapists are trained to work with the nervous system and trauma responses. We help clients unpack what’s really going on when avoidance keeps them stuck.

The Role of the Nervous System

Your body holds memory, not just your mind. When you avoid something you want, it may be because your nervous system has linked that action to a threat response. You want to speak up in a meeting, but your chest tightens. You want to end the relationship, but your stomach drops.

This physical resistance is not weakness. It’s learned survival.

Grigore Counselling offers trauma-informed therapy to help people work with—not against—their bodies. Modalities like EMDR or somatic therapy help clients process the past and finally take action in the present.

Emotional Perfectionism and the “Should” Trap

Avoidance often hides behind perfectionism. You want to start, but only if you can guarantee it’ll go well. You want to make the change, but only if you’re sure it won’t upset anyone.

This emotional perfectionism is rooted in early experiences. Maybe you learned that making a mistake led to punishment. Or that your needs didn’t matter unless they were convenient.

CBT therapy can help challenge these rigid thought patterns. Together, you and your therapist can explore the difference between what you want and what you’ve been conditioned to should.

How Therapy Helps You Move from Avoidance to Action

Therapy offers a space to explore your fears without judgment. You don’t need to have it all figured out before seeking support.

We help clients go from being stuck in avoidance to taking meaningful, aligned action. This doesn’t happen overnight, but with consistent support, small steps become powerful shifts.

For example, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) offers concrete skills in emotional regulation and distress tolerance. These are often exactly what’s missing when someone says: “I just can’t make myself do it.”

You Don’t Need to Push Through Alone

Avoidance is not laziness. It’s a symptom of something deeper. And the good news is, it can be addressed.

If this sounds like you, therapy may be the next step. Our diverse team of therapists work across British Columbia, Yukon, and online across Canada. Sessions are available in-person or virtually to support your healing journey.

Ready to start doing what you really want to do?

Reach out today to book your first session.

FAQ: Why We Avoid Doing What We Want to Do

Why do I avoid doing things that are good for me?

Avoidance is often linked to emotional or psychological discomfort. Your brain may associate certain actions with fear, rejection, or failure, even if they’re good for you. Therapy helps identify and rewire these associations.

How do I stop procrastinating when I know what I want?

Start small. Recognize the emotion behind the procrastination. Therapy can help uncover these hidden blocks and offer tools for motivation and follow-through.

Can therapy really help with avoidance?

Yes. Many clients come to therapy feeling stuck. Working with a therapist helps break the cycle of avoidance by addressing its root causes, whether trauma, perfectionism, or nervous system dysregulation.

What to do when basic tasks feel impossible? Read on.

You stare at the sink full of dishes. Your body won’t move. Laundry piles up. Emails go unanswered. You feel stuck, and maybe a little ashamed. You’re not lazy. You’re overwhelmed. And you’re not alone. At our practice, we hear this often:

“Why can’t I do simple things anymore?”

The truth? Basic tasks can feel impossible when your brain and nervous system are under stress.

What to Do When Basic Tasks Feel Impossible: It’s Not About Willpower

Let’s start here: this isn’t a motivation issue. When brushing your teeth or sending a text feels like climbing a mountain, something deeper is going on.

Chronic stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, these all impact executive functioning. That’s the part of your brain responsible for planning, prioritizing, and follow-through. When it’s overloaded, everything feels harder.

Your body might feel heavy. Your thoughts might spiral. You might even dissociate without realizing it.

Trauma-informed therapy helps you understand and regulate these responses. We help clients move from frozen to functional, step by step.

The Role of the Nervous System

When the nervous system is dysregulated, even basic routines become a threat. Your body might live in a state of fight, flight, or freeze. You want to act, but your body says no.

This is especially common in clients living with unresolved trauma or chronic burnout.

Somatic therapy or EMDR can support your system in reprocessing these patterns. When your body feels safer, action becomes more possible.

What You Can Do (Even When You Feel Frozen)

Here are strategies we use with clients who feel paralyzed by the basics:

1. Shrink the Task

If “clean the kitchen” feels too big, shrink it to “put one dish in the sink.” One dish becomes two. Action builds momentum.

2. Pair with Support

Can you do the task with someone on speakerphone? Text a friend when you’re starting and finishing? Connection helps activate our social nervous system and makes tasks feel less isolating.

3. Anchor to Your Body

Notice your feet. Take three slow breaths. Place your hand on your chest. You don’t need to push through. You need to feel safe.

CBT therapy can also help reframe the shame narrative:
“What’s wrong with me?” becomes, “My system is overwhelmed. I need support.”

Don’t Wait to Hit Rock Bottom

Many people wait too long to seek therapy. They think things need to get worse before they get help. The truth? Feeling stuck is enough.

Our clients often tell us:
“I thought I had to do it alone. I didn’t know help could feel this human.”

Grigore Counselling works across BC, Yukon, and beyond. We offer virtual sessions, flexible options, and a diverse team of therapists. You don’t need to have it all together. You just need to start.

Book your first session, even if you feel like you’re barely holding it together.

FAQ: When Basic Tasks Feel Impossible

Why do basic things feel so hard for me?

Your nervous system may be overwhelmed. Stress, anxiety, depression, and trauma all impair executive functioning. Therapy helps you identify and rewire these blocks.

Is there a name for this experience?

Yes. It’s often linked to functional freeze or executive dysfunction. It’s not laziness—it’s your system signaling overload.

Can therapy really help me get my life back on track?

Yes. We help clients gently build capacity, process what’s underneath the freeze, and start living again—on their terms.

If you’ve heard the term Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and felt overwhelmed, you’re not alone. It’s one of the most misunderstood mental health conditions. And also one of the most treatable. One of the best-supported treatments for BPD is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT).

What Is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) affects how you relate to others, how you manage emotions, and how you see yourself. If you struggle with intense emotions, unstable relationships, or fear of abandonment, you may be dealing with BPD.

Common symptoms of BPD include:

• Rapid emotional shifts
• Fear of rejection or abandonment
• Intense or unstable relationships
• Difficulty controlling anger
• Impulsive behaviours (spending, substance use, etc.)
• Chronic feelings of emptiness
• Self-harm or suicidal thoughts

It’s important to know: These are symptoms, not flaws. Many individuals with BPD have experienced early trauma, neglect, or emotional invalidation. This isn’t your fault. And yes, you can get better.

Borderline Personality Disorder and DBT: Why It Works

DBT was specifically created for Borderline Personality Disorder by Dr. Marsha Linehan in the 1990s. Since then, it has become the gold standard of care.

DBT helps because it teaches four core skills that people with BPD often didn’t learn growing up:

1. Mindfulness – Being present and aware without judgment
2. Distress Tolerance – Managing pain without making things worse
3. Emotion Regulation – Understanding and reducing emotional reactivity
4. Interpersonal Effectiveness – Navigating relationships and asking for what you need

Instead of focusing only on talking about your past, DBT gives you practical tools to handle the now. It’s structured, skills-based, and proven to help reduce emotional distress and self-destructive behaviours.

Learn more about DBT therapy options at Grigore Counselling.

What Does a DBT Program Look Like?

Grigore Counselling offers DBT that may include:

• Individual sessions (weekly, focused on personal goals)
• Skills training (learning and applying DBT strategies)
• Therapist consultation teams (ensuring top-quality care)

Even if you’re not ready for the full program, many clients benefit from DBT-informed therapy. We tailor your treatment based on your needs.

What to Expect Emotionally

Many clients ask: Is DBT hard?

The honest answer: yes, sometimes. It’s work. You’ll face uncomfortable emotions and challenge patterns that no longer serve you. But it’s also empowering. Clients often tell us:

“For the first time, I don’t feel like a problem. I feel understood and I have tools.”

Borderline Personality Disorder and DBT: Who It Helps

DBT is effective not only for BPD, but also for:

• PTSD
• Suicidal ideation
• Self-harm
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Eating disorders
• Addictions

DBT is especially helpful when emotions feel like they “take over” or when relationships feel chaotic.

The Long-Term Outlook

Here’s the good news: BPD is treatable. Studies show that 88% of people with BPD no longer meet criteria after a year or more of DBT. With commitment and the right support, recovery is absolutely possible.

Our clinicians provide DBT-informed care that respects your identity, trauma history, and cultural background. You’ll be met with compassion, not judgment.

FAQs About Borderline Personality Disorder and DBT

1. Can DBT work even if I’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t help?

Yes. DBT is a different approach—structured, practical, and research-backed. Many clients who didn’t improve with other therapies find success with DBT.

2. How long does DBT take to work?

Most DBT programs last 6–12 months. Some clients start seeing change in a few weeks; others need longer. Your therapist will work with your pace.

3. Is BPD a lifelong condition?

No. With the right support and commitment, many people no longer meet diagnostic criteria within 1–2 years. Change is absolutely possible.

You know you should take care of yourself. But every time you try, you stall. You scroll instead of shower. You cancel the walk you planned. You promise to rest, but end up working late, again.

This isn’t laziness. It’s not a lack of discipline.

It’s something deeper.

From a therapist’s lens, when self-care feels hard, it’s often because your nervous system is already working overtime just to keep you afloat.

The Myth of Effortless Self-Care

Self-care is marketed like a spa day or a face mask. But real self-care can be messy, emotional, and exhausting.

It means saying no. Resting when you feel guilty. Eating when you’d rather ignore your hunger. Setting boundaries that others won’t like.

For trauma survivors or those with chronic stress, even identifying your needs can feel foreign. That’s where therapy helps. Grigore Counselling works with people who feel blocked from the very things that are supposed to help.

And that doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you need support, not more pressure.

Why Is Self-Care So Hard?

Here’s what we often see in our clients:

Nervous system dysregulation

When you’re constantly in fight, flight, or freeze, your brain doesn’t prioritize reflection or rest. Your survival system says, “There’s no time for a bath. We need to stay alert.”

Shame cycles

Many people think they have to earn self-care. If they haven’t achieved enough, they deny themselves rest. That turns care into a reward instead of a right.

Attachment wounds

If no one consistently cared for you growing up, it may feel unsafe or unfamiliar to care for yourself now. DBT, IFS, and trauma-informed therapy can help rewire these patterns.

Emotional avoidance

For some, slowing down brings up discomfort. When you’re alone and quiet, the feelings you’ve been avoiding come up. So you keep busy. Or distracted. Or numb.

Therapy Helps You Redefine Self-Care

Real self-care isn’t just what feels good, it’s what helps you heal.

We often tell our clients this:

• Self-care is eating before you’re starving.
• It’s leaving the party when you’re overstimulated.
• It’s going to therapy when you’re tired of pretending you’re fine.

Therapies like CBT, DBT, and EMDR help clients identify the internal blocks that make care feel hard. We don’t just give you a list of what to do, we help you understand why it feels impossible in the first place.

When You’ve Tried Everything and Still Feel Stuck

If you’ve bought the journals, downloaded the apps, and signed up for yoga, but nothing sticks, it’s not because you’re hopeless. It’s because behavior change without emotional healing doesn’t last.

We’ve worked with clients across BC, the Yukon, and even remote areas like Yellowknife. They all have one thing in common: they thought they should be able to figure it out alone.

But care isn’t supposed to be a solo act.

Therapy helps you learn how to listen to your needs, soothe your stress, and reconnect with your body. Slowly. Safely. Sustainably.

Gentle First Steps

We don’t push our clients into bubble baths and gratitude journals. We begin with the nervous system.

Try this:

• Place one hand on your chest. One on your belly.
• Take a slow, 4-second inhale.
• Hold for 2 seconds.
• Exhale for 6.
• Do it again. Just twice.

That’s self-care. Right there. No products. No pressure. Just presence.

And if it still feels too hard, that’s okay. That’s your sign, not of failure, but of overwhelm. And that’s exactly what therapy can help with. Reach out to us if you want to talk to someone who gets it.

FAQ: When Self-Care Feels Hard

Why do I feel guilty taking care of myself?

Guilt is common when you’ve been conditioned to prioritize others or tie your worth to productivity. Therapy helps untangle those beliefs.

Can therapy help me stick to a self-care routine?

Yes. We work on what’s under the resistance, like trauma, shame, or nervous system burnout, so that routines become natural, not forced.

Is it normal to feel worse when I try to rest?

Yes. Rest can bring up stored emotions. If your system is used to being in overdrive, slowing down can feel unsafe at first. You’re not alone.

How can I tell if EMDR will work for me? You’ve heard of EMDR. Maybe a friend swears by it. Maybe your therapist suggested it. Or maybe you’ve read a few headlines about its power to heal trauma. But here’s the question you’re really asking:

Will EMDR therapy actually work for me?

This is a deeply personal question. And it deserves a real answer, not hype, not jargon. So let’s walk through what EMDR is, who it helps, and how you can tell if it’s a good fit.

First, What Is EMDR?

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a trauma-focused therapy that helps the brain process distressing memories. Instead of just talking about your past, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation, like guided eye movements or tapping, to help your nervous system rewire how it responds.

It’s one of the most researched trauma therapies available.
And it’s more than just a tool—it’s a process that helps your brain heal in the way it was always meant to.

What Does EMDR Help With?

EMDR is well known for treating PTSD, but its reach goes further. Grigore Counselling offers it to help people with:

• Childhood trauma or neglect
• Anxiety and panic
• Phobias and irrational fears
• Grief and complicated loss
• Chronic pain with emotional roots
• Low self-worth or shame
• Sexual trauma
• First responder trauma
• Birth trauma
• Emotionally abusive relationships

If you’ve tried other therapies and feel like something still isn’t shifting, EMDR may access what’s been stuck.

Signs EMDR Might Work for You

So how can you tell if EMDR will work for you? There’s no single formula, but here are the signs that suggest you might benefit:

1. You have distressing memories that still feel raw

When something from your past plays in your mind like a movie, or your body reacts as if it’s still happening, EMDR may help bring resolution.

2. You’ve “talked it out,” but nothing changes

Many clients come to us saying, “I’ve been in therapy for years, but this still hurts.” EMDR doesn’t just process the story, it processes the emotional charge.

3. You notice patterns you can’t break

You keep choosing toxic relationships. Or reacting with rage. Or shutting down. EMDR helps you trace these reactions to their root, and release them.

4. Your body holds your trauma

Do you freeze under pressure? Panic during intimacy? EMDR works well when trauma is stored somatically.

5. You’re emotionally safe now, but still stuck

EMDR works best when you’re no longer in active crisis. If you’re ready to look back so you can move forward, that’s a green light.

When EMDR Might Not Be Right (Yet)

Sometimes, clients need a bit more preparation before starting EMDR. It doesn’t mean EMDR won’t work, it means timing matters.

EMDR may not be ideal right now if:

• You’re currently in a situation of abuse or danger
• You’re actively using substances to numb trauma
• You don’t yet feel stable enough to revisit distressing memories
• You struggle to stay present in your body

That’s why our therapists often integrate tools like DBT, somatic therapy, or ACT to build safety before going into EMDR. This is part of the preparation phase, and it’s just as important as the eye movements themselves.

What Makes EMDR Successful?

The success of EMDR depends on a few key things:

• Readiness: You’re motivated to heal and willing to face discomfort for a short time.
• A skilled therapist: EMDR is powerful, but it needs to be used properly. Our certified EMDR therapists follow a structured, trauma-informed protocol.
• Your nervous system: EMDR respects your pacing. You never go where your body isn’t ready to go.
• Consistency: Weekly sessions and practice between them make the process smoother.

Ready to Explore EMDR?

If you’re still asking, “How can I tell if EMDR will work for me?”, the best next step is to speak with a therapist trained in trauma.
Let’s talk about what you’re carrying, what you’ve already tried, and what healing could look like.

Book a consultation with one of our EMDR-trained clinicians. Let us help you decide whether this approach fits your story.

FAQ: Will EMDR Therapy Work for Me?

Does EMDR work for everyone?

Not always, but it works for many. Some people need stabilization first. Others may benefit more from a different approach. A therapist can help you decide based on your history and goals.

How long until I see results with EMDR?

Some clients feel relief in just a few sessions. Others need more time. It depends on the severity, complexity, and how long you’ve lived with the issue.

Can EMDR make things worse?

When done properly, no. EMDR can bring up painful memories, but your therapist will help regulate your nervous system and pace sessions for safety.

Is generational trauma actually a thing? Yes. Generational trauma is real.

And it doesn’t just live in stories. It lives in bodies, behaviours, and beliefs.

You may notice it when your reactions feel “bigger” than the situation. When your anxiety seems inherited. When your parents never talk about their pain, but you carry it anyway.

As therapists at Grigore Counselling, we see this all the time. Clients walk through our doors carrying patterns they can’t trace, grief, fear, shame. And the truth is: not all trauma starts with you. Some of it was passed down.

What Is Generational Trauma?

Generational trauma, also called intergenerational trauma, is psychological pain transmitted from one generation to the next. It can stem from:

• War, genocide, forced displacement
• Colonization and systemic oppression
• Childhood abuse, addiction, or emotional neglect
• Family violence or chronic poverty

This trauma doesn’t always get processed. So it gets inherited.

You don’t need to have experienced the original trauma directly. But its imprint can show up in how your family communicates, copes, or connects.

How Does Trauma Get Passed On?

Trauma is passed down both biologically and socially.

Epigenetics

Studies show that trauma can alter how genes are expressed. You’re not born broken, but your nervous system may be shaped by generations of stress. This doesn’t doom you. It simply means healing has to include the body.

Attachment Patterns

If a parent is overwhelmed by unprocessed trauma, they may struggle to attune to their child. That child may grow up with anxiety, difficulty trusting, or an unstable sense of self.

Family Narratives

Families may avoid talking about what happened. Or pass on messages like “Don’t cry,” or “We don’t talk about feelings.” These rules become internalized, and passed along.

Is generational trauma actually a thing: What It Can Look Like

Generational trauma isn’t always obvious. It often hides in plain sight:

• A fear of success you can’t explain
• Explosive anger that reminds you of your dad
• Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
• A deep sense of guilt you didn’t earn
• Chronic hypervigilance, even in safe spaces

These patterns aren’t just personal. They’re historical.

Breaking the Cycle

You didn’t start the cycle. But you can interrupt it.

Healing generational trauma often involves:

• Recognizing the patterns — noticing how your reactions reflect the past.
• Naming the origin — tracing family history with curiosity, not blame.
• Regulating your nervous system — through somatic therapy, EMDR, or trauma-informed practices.
• Rewriting beliefs — challenging inherited shame or silence.
• Connecting with others — safe, attuned relationships are corrective experiences.

Therapies like EMDR, IFS, and ACT are particularly effective in this work. They don’t just treat symptoms. You get help to get to the root.

Is It Still My Responsibility?

This question comes up often. If I didn’t cause the trauma, why do I have to deal with it?

Because unprocessed pain gets passed on. Healing isn’t about blame. It’s about choice. About reclaiming your life from patterns that aren’t yours.

You’re allowed to be the one who changes the story.

If you’re ready to begin that work, we’re here to support you. Meet our team or reach out today.

FAQ: Is generational trauma actually a thing?

Can trauma be passed down genetically?

Yes. Through epigenetic changes, stress responses can be inherited. This means your body may respond to stress in ways shaped by your ancestors’ experiences.

Is it possible to heal generational trauma?

Absolutely. With trauma-informed therapy, nervous system work, and support, you can interrupt the cycle and create change for yourself, and future generations.

Do I have to know my full family history to heal?

No. Even without full details, therapy can work with your emotional patterns, beliefs, and body responses to help you heal inherited trauma.

While some people may hesitate at the idea of seeing a student therapist, research and experience show that this can be a deeply valuable—and even preferable—option for many clients.

You’ve started therapy, but something keeps getting in the way. You forget appointments and say, “I’m fine” when you’re not. You avoid going deeper even when you want to. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And it doesn’t mean you’re “not ready” or “not trying hard enough.” It may mean the resistance is deeper, rooted in your nervous system and unprocessed trauma.

For that, simply understanding resistance in therapy from a trauma-informed lens changes everything. It helps shift the story from “I’m failing” to “my nervous system is protecting me.”

What Is Resistance in Therapy?

In therapy, resistance often shows up as avoidance, forgetfulness, minimising pain, or intellectualising instead of feeling. For some, it looks like cancelling sessions. For others, it’s staying surface-level or deflecting hard topics with humour.

From a traditional lens, resistance is seen as the client’s unwillingness to change. But from a trauma-informed and nervous system perspective, resistance is not defiance. It’s self-protection.

A Trauma-Informed View of Resistance

When the body has lived through trauma, it wires itself for survival. Emotional suppression, dissociation, people-pleasing, or numbing may have been essential in unsafe environments.

So when therapy invites you to feel what was once unbearable, your nervous system may say: No, thank you.

This isn’t sabotage. It’s survival.

Resistance in therapy from a trauma-informed lens sees your hesitation not as a flaw, but as intelligence. Your system is doing what it was wired to do: keep you safe.

Learn more about our trauma therapy in BC

The Role of the Nervous System in Therapy Resistance

The nervous system has three primary responses to perceived threat:

• Fight/Flight: You push back, become defensive, or try to “fix” everything.
• Freeze: You go numb, feel stuck, or can’t remember things.
• Fawn: You please the therapist, smile, and stay agreeable—even when you’re not okay.

These are autonomic responses. They happen before conscious thought.

Understanding this helps reframe why therapy might feel “hard” or why progress feels slow. It’s not laziness. It’s your body assessing risk.

Signs Resistance Is Trauma-Based

• You “zone out” when therapy gets deep
• You feel exhausted after sessions
• You intellectualise your feelings but struggle to feel them
• You cancel sessions at moments of emotional intensity
• You feel fear around being vulnerable, even with a trusted therapist
• You question whether you’re “too much” for the therapist

If you’ve experienced any of these, you may be encountering resistance in therapy from a trauma-informed lens. There, your body is holding the brakes even while your mind wants to move forward.

Working With (Not Against) Resistance

A good trauma-informed therapist will never shame you for resistance. Instead, they’ll work with it.

Here’s how we approach this at Grigore Counselling:

• We go slow, not deep: Rushing retraumatises. Safety comes first.
• We track the body: Your body holds stories. Somatic awareness helps decode them.
• We build capacity: Resourcing and regulation come before memory processing.
• We name resistance without shame: Naming the protective part helps it soften.

Your resistance is not the enemy. It’s a message. And together, we listen.

Want to explore trauma-informed therapy in Surrey or Langley? Start here

EMDR and Nervous System-Aware Therapy

Many clients with deep-rooted resistance benefit from EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). When used with a trauma-informed approach, EMDR allows the brain to reprocess trauma gently and safely, without reliving it.

EMDR also works well when the conscious mind resists talking. Through bilateral stimulation, the nervous system can begin to unwind trauma memories stored in the body.

Read about the evidence supporting EMDR

You’re Not Broken—You’re Protecting

Let’s say that again: You are not broken. Your system is protecting.

The next time you catch yourself resisting therapy or feeling stuck, try asking:

• What part of me is afraid?
• What would it need to feel safer?
• How can I slow down and honour that part?

You don’t have to force healing. The more safety you build, the more your system will allow you to go deeper. Progress isn’t always fast, but it’s real.

When Therapy Feels Too Much

Sometimes, therapy itself can feel overwhelming. That’s okay. There’s no shame in needing breaks, working at a slower pace, or even changing modalities.

At Grigore Counselling, we work across EMDR, CBT, DBT, somatic therapy, and more. Our team is trained to support you, at whatever pace your body allows.

Explore our therapists across British Columbia and find a space where resistance is welcomed, not judged.

FAQs About Therapy Resistance

1. How do I know if I’m resisting therapy or just not ready?

Resistance often shows up when you’re ready, but scared. If you want to heal but keep pulling away, it’s likely resistance, not unreadiness.

2. Can EMDR help if I resist talking about trauma?

Yes. EMDR allows trauma reprocessing without needing to recount every detail. It’s ideal for people who feel overwhelmed by traditional talk therapy.

3. How do I talk to my therapist about resistance?

Try saying, “I notice I feel shut down or avoidant lately.” A good therapist will welcome that and explore it gently with you.

Do I need therapy or coaching?

If you are not sure if you need a therapist or a coach, you’re not alone. Many people feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure, but they don’t know where to turn. Do you need to process deep emotional pain? Or are you looking to reach a goal and move forward?

Understanding the difference between therapy and coaching can help you choose the right kind of support. While both offer valuable guidance, they serve very different purposes. And for many, especially those dealing with stress, trauma, anxiety, or depression, therapy may be the safer and more sustainable path to healing.

What Is Therapy?

Therapy, also called counselling or psychotherapy, is a clinical process. It helps people explore emotional distress, patterns, trauma, and mental health conditions. Therapists are trained professionals with master’s degrees and provincial registration. They’re equipped to help you:

• Heal trauma
• Regulate emotions
• Improve relationships
• Navigate depression, anxiety, PTSD, BPD
• Work through childhood wounds
• Set boundaries and build self-worth

Grigore Counselling’s therapists are trauma-informed and culturally responsive. We create a safe, non-judgmental space to process what you’ve been carrying.

What Is Coaching?

Coaching focuses on performance and future-oriented goals. A coach helps with personal development, productivity, leadership, or motivation. Coaches don’t treat mental health conditions and aren’t required to hold clinical licensure.

Coaching might be helpful if you:

• Feel emotionally stable
• Want help with business, leadership, or career goals
• Need accountability for short-term action plans
• Don’t need to process trauma or mental health concerns

But coaching doesn’t go deep. If your blocks are rooted in trauma, burnout, or emotional wounds, a coach may not have the tools to support you.

How to Know the Difference

Here’s a quick guide to help you determine whether you need therapy or coaching:

Therapy Might Be Best If…	Coaching Might Be Best If…
You feel anxious, depressed, or emotionally unstable	You feel okay but want to grow
You’ve experienced trauma or loss	You want help with productivity or goals
You struggle with patterns from childhood	You’re already regulated emotionally
You’ve been diagnosed or suspect a mental health condition	You want direction in your career or personal life
You’re overwhelmed or burnt out	You’re ready to take action toward specific goals

If you’re unsure, it’s safest to start with therapy. Grigore Counselling offers initial consultations to help you figure out your next step.

Why Therapy Often Comes First

Many people seek coaching when they’re really experiencing unresolved trauma, stress, or emotional dysregulation. They try to “optimize” before they’ve healed. But if the foundation isn’t stable, coaching may feel like a bandage on a deeper wound.

Therapy provides that foundation.

Once your nervous system is regulated and past wounds have been addressed, coaching can become more effective.

Still Not Sure?

If you:

• Cry more than usual
• Struggle with sleep, appetite, or energy
• Feel stuck in patterns that don’t change
• Experience panic, anger, or numbness
• Have difficulty trusting others or yourself

…it’s likely time for therapy.

Many of our clients at Grigore Counselling come to us after trying self-help, coaching, or courses that didn’t resolve the core issue. Therapy offers something different: a safe, structured, and clinically informed space to heal.

You Don’t Have to Choose Alone

If you’re asking, Do I need therapy or coaching? That’s already a sign you’re seeking support. And that’s something to honour.

Our therapists are here to help you find clarity. We offer both short-term and long-term counselling, depending on your needs. We’ll work with you to assess what’s going on and whether therapy is right for you.

And if you eventually decide coaching is a better fit, we’ll guide you there, too. With care.

Learn more about our approach to therapy
Book with a counsellor near you: Find a therapist in Langley, Richmond, Surrey and more

FAQs: Do I Need Therapy or Coaching?

1. Can I do both therapy and coaching?

Yes, but therapy should come first if you’re struggling with emotional regulation, trauma, or mental health conditions. Once you’ve worked through those, coaching can be a great next step.

2. What if I feel stuck but don’t know why?

That’s exactly when therapy can help. Therapists are trained to uncover what’s underneath patterns, emotions, or numbness.

3. How do I start therapy at Grigore Counselling?

Simply visit our booking page and choose a location or therapist that feels like the right fit. No referral required.